Charles Austin Muir
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If you don't go to the funeral, it's your funeral!

11/20/2015

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So I'm dropping a dream post here. Usually I scroll past people's dream posts because they don't feel like news to me. I want to know what you're eating, damn it, not what you're dreaming.

Anyway, here goes.

A couple nights ago I dreamed I was going to my dad's funeral. He died in 2001. He had his funeral. But whatever, it's cool. I had about twenty minutes to kill so I stepped out of the church. I hopped on a kid's bike and pedaled up Nehalem Street toward 13th Avenue.

The sun was shining. I felt Zen. Except for this little feeling of frustration at the center, like a dill pickle slice in a meat roll-up. The bike was so low I had to hold my Chucks in dorsiflexion to keep my toes off the asphalt. I returned the bike and walked over to the parish hall. A few people stood around, talking.

I was in my tux (apparently there was a hipster dress code) feeling kind of fly, doing whatever. But next thing I knew it was five minutes before I had to be in the vestibule ready to proceed with dad's ashes toward the altar in front of hundreds of people to whom I would eventually, if dream followed history, speak some words of remembrance. I rushed over.

The funny thing is I wasn't sad, just a little burned out. I'd already done my mom's funeral a few months ago. I'd had to be on for it, like a sales rep has to be on, hustling because I wanted people to go to the reception where I had a video presentation prepared. This is true. Hurrying off to dad's funeral meant I had to be on again and I didn't want to be. Damn it, dad. How many times do people have to die in our family?

Not a weird dream, not even eventful. Not even emotional. I think I'm just tired of funerals. But -- something tells me, I won't say why -- I have a feeling they're not tired of me yet.

I'm hoping like Ice-T said, to die harder than Bruce Willis. But not everyone I know seems to want that for themselves.

And on that cryptic note, Happy Friday.

May you attend no funerals this weekend.

On further reflection that's a crappy way to end a post. Here's a song that should make you feel good:


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    Horror writer, journalist, chiropractic assistant, pug enthusiast.

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